and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
