I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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