Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
