I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Randomize
