I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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