break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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