I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
