In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
