That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
