would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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