Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
