I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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