K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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