I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
