I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
