You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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