so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
