things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
