Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
