i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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