A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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