Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
