At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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