I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Quick, to the slutcave!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
