How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
