Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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