I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
