So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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