who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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