my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
