I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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