first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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