did you get engaged???
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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