Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
