I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
