one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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