Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
