We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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