if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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