this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize