worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
