In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
