turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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