I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
