Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize