Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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