time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
