Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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