Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
