I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
