she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
