I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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