This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
