Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh god it's open bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
