Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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