North Korea, Best Korea!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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