Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
