he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
