i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize