i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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