They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
