I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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