Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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