i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
