I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
