If that was your dad, he is hot
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
