Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
