Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
