Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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