last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
