i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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