her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
