So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
