just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
