i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
