you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
