I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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