Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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