Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
