I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
