How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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