I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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