Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
