How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
