My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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