In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
