All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was born a porn star she said
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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