he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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