Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
