Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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