i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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