Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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