Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
