my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
