i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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