hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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