This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
