Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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