i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
