How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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