96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
