a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
