From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
