for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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