No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How's work?
Spinning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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