I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
