That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize