College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
