I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
