Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
