are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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