I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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