My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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