Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
